Half Empty or Full

"Life with untreated A.D.D. and
broken heart, love art but my
burnt-out brain has a 
hard time to strain out my
creativity.

Life as me has always seemed to
be such negativity and self-blame an
ongoing flame burns through my
soul. As I walk, lost and alone in
the shadow of my former self.

Need to put my addiction high up
on a shelf so it's out of sight
out of mind, so I can't ever find
it ever again.

"No pain no gain" Me on most
days is more pain addiction can 
hold back any gain that you feel
close to. I thought dope was suppose
to forget and to temporarily let
you go from life's problems. Eighteen
years of blood, sweat and tears.

Much guilt on my conscience and
it weighs a ton. I just pray to
God to one day have a son and
be the dad that I'd only dream
I'd had."

Darcy Brakefield

taken from Megaphone, Vancouver's street paper

 

Sleep Becomes Her

To the dark we try
Slipping slowly
Through half ideas waiting
To fall away

Sleepy, dreamy eyes
Heavy with exhaustion
Want sleep, need rest

She soon approaches
Blinking out spotted yellows and golden oranges
Not yet, but soon

Waiting,
These faces and voices still busy so
Dreamy, sleepy beauty
Resting

The night has not come
Yet still sleep approaches

Allow the darkness
Empty me
For she is nearing

She makes me wait
I do as I am told
And I wait

Resting in the in between
Some middle ground of nonexistence
No one lives here but me
And yet she still makes me wait
I do

I wait
Her power overwhelms me
Hopeless either to the morrow or to her

Whichever comes first
Whichever breaks me free of this in between
this bleak existence
rest, quiet

Blackness voids no help
Shh
Maybe I do not need await her
Falling fast
Eyes shut tightly
Sleepy, falling more

To find morrow awakes those heavy eyes
She gets me yet again
With no notice she was ever here

Why hello Sun,
Hello New Day

Pink Lips

Had the words actually escaped
Those pink lips
They would have worn a warning
Deciphered: patience
With ease

Yet the ears had no chance
To hear above that chatter
Those non-trusting,
Non-stopping,
Ego-elated pink lips

So sure of themselves
Too sure to be certain
That in allowing the silence,
Breaking barriers of distortion,
Finding truth that tastes less bleak
Than false idolizations
And suped up alter egos

Had the words actually escaped
And the ears actually heard
Perhaps the head might have stood a chance
To allow the heart to do her thing

Yet those pink lips
With their taste for control
Talked their way
Right around the very words
That left your stunned jaw confused

When left confused, the path ahead seems slightly less certain.
Of course. 

  

My Blue

Breathe across the nape of my neck
with the saltiness of your breath
Fresh on your lips

Heat, so hot
It soothes my blushing skin

The colour, deep sea blue
Of your eyes
Cascading glimmers of gold
Freckle, pierce
I repress my blink

The warmth you give
Fills me deeper than my bones
Muscles smiling
Dare I to relax

The embrace of the gods;
Lapping around me
Licking my shoulders
Calmly seducing my most secret of fantasies

I float endlessly
A sky fresh with ideas above me
And a floor nowhere quite near below me
I am yours

Puppets, Puppeteering our very existence

We are all Users, Abusers,

Fable Tellers

Uncertain Words

If I was speaking,
Did you hear me?
Or perhaps you were looking 
The other way

I said it
I am sure I said it
No, your silence makes me question it.

If I scream
Will it be loud enough
For you to hear me 
over all of those thoughts?

Are you listening?
I am speaking

Are you listening?
I am sure I am speaking

Your eyes met mine
You see me looking
My lips moved more than once

Are you listening?
I am speaking

Perhaps louder this time
They are all speaking louder now.
I can't seem to hear you
Maybe it's my ears
That stopped working

Are you listening?
I am speaking

We've spoken once or more before
My ears worked perfectly then
You seemed to have heard me just fine
and I remember we conversed

I am starting to get a little worried
That perhaps I have lost my words
Or have I started using new ones?
I am almost certain I am speaking

Are you listening?
I am speaking

Maybe if you looked at me
Then I'd know
That my lips are working
And that I haven't lost my tongue

Are you listening?
I am speaking

Are You Listening?
I Am Speaking
Hell...

I Saw Her

She was wearing Yellow,

or perhaps it was Green.

A Dream Pang

"I had withdrawn in forest, and my song

Was swallowed up in leaves that blew away;

And to the forest edge you came one day

(This was my dream) and looked and pondered long,

But did not enter, though the wish was strong:

You shook your pensive head as who should say,

"I dare not - too far in his footsteps stray -

He must seek me would he undo the wrong."

Not far, but near, I stood and saw it all

Behind low boughs the trees let down outside;

And the sweet pang it cost me not to call

And tell you that I saw does still abide.

But 'tis not true that thus I dwelt aloof,

For the wood wakes, and you are here for proof."

Robert Frost