Making Room

Finally allowing myself to feel the disparity

I break down to tears and allow its passing

Allowing it to flow from me

So that I may reach for Happiness once again

Determination

Fear shall not be my captor,

For I have courageous strength behind my Will

Round Again

My need and desire to control everything in my life right now stems from my overwhelming feeling of not being in control of anything. I am bouncing back and forth, swirling around, rebounding off of everyone and I feel as lost as ever. I always return here, after every round. I just keep ending up back at what feels like the beginning. And every time I am back at the beginning, I am once again alone and the reflection feels like I've made a fool of myself.

To Meditation

Meditation may come soon,

and I look to it with open arms. 

My eyes are ready to cry.

Expression rests impatiently upon my lips.

Cheeks flush with joy,

that the time of resting has finally past

and the time of living is upon us.

Cemented

My fear, frozen to this icy path
That no longer move nor sway
I have turned to stone
And no longer recognize the reflection
That only exists on the taste of a butterflys' wing

A Little Reminder

My friend Darja teaches me about being a whole complete person who has a rolodex filled with emotions and to allow myself free expression. Every person who enters my life is here to teach me something; Am I ready to learn? Am I paying attention?

I have not been the best pupil, it has taken me a lot to gain my focus and desire. To line up the practice and the teach. I have to learn each step by themselves and then put it all together for the big lesson. 

Don't be so hard on yourself as you're simply learning and practicing. You may not get it right away, but that does not make you a failure; That makes you a participant in Life. 


This is my adventure and I find I need to constantly realign my focus. I am such a wanderer and get completely swept up in side things. It's good to take breaks and be free, just don't lose focus. Each day to remind myself to not step further than one foot ahead. We're doing this one step at a time and we're working on being patient. Where is my intuition if I am completely distracted? 

Seeker

Happiness shall be found within the folds of my own existence

 and my hands shall be the sculptor.

Belief Breathes

I believe I am a stronger person due to my beliefs. I believe there is more to life than this one adventure and I believe I chose to be here and as who I am. I have a lot of work to do on allowance of my own beliefs. I am in the process of unlocking and I intend to do great things with my gifts. Perhaps the desire of understanding the bigger picture is too big of a step for me at this moment and mostly a distracting one from the smaller steps I must take to get there. It is good knowing which direction I am going in, but I don't need to be so intently focused all of the time. I feel re-invigorated in my work - Focused solely on myself and I shall see the reflection of that work in the others whom surround me. 

Oneness

"This is the moment you have awaited since time immemorial. Your consciousness stands on the threshold of a radical shift for which you have been preparing for lifetimes. You sense that you are at a place of completion with your major life issues. You are able to identify the patterns and the themes that have surfaced again and again in the dramas of your daily life. And you sense, unquestionably, that something has shifted in the very depths of your being. The shift is subtle -barely perceptible- yet it is undeniable. The energy flows easily. And resistance is nowhere to be found.

You are a pioneer in uncharted territory, yet you are most assuredly not alone; for you experience the connectedness from within that could only be Divine. You are at a place of Oneness with All Creation. You have passed the point of no return on your sacred journey. And you have surrendered totally to the momentum that carries you, effortlessly. Your life has become a joyous celebration - a gift you have given to yourself. This is the moment.  This is the moment that you recognize what has been there all along. This is the start of being, eternally present in consciousness, that is crystallizing into form. You have given definition to your heart's desire. And now all that remains is your experience of it." 

Rasha

No Moon to Pull You

The fresh, deep, majestic blue mass, that once rippled a thousand extending arms, now sits still. Waiting to feel the playfulness of the wind upon itself. The water sits by itself.

Indecision

Once the quiet plagued her, she felt chained to it. 

Fear or Faith

Sitting amidst this undesirable loneliness. The peaceful quiet nature of the beast that burdens us. That does not allow us the simple appreciation of the very thing we seek, yet disregard. Perhaps it's the pressures that surround us or perhaps it's our own innate knowings that we seek outside ourselves. I see it as the ultimate distraction from the powers that reside within. The greatest fear is that of our own greatness and that if given the opportunity (simply to release our own hold) that we'd be overpowered by greed and anything bred from darkness; that has no knowledge of the light and what beauty it holds. That even with the greatest and most pure of intentions, that when faced, we would pursue our purposely deprived under-thoughts instead of those of truth and beauty. Perhaps that is the biggest ruse we've ever believed in; that given the chance, we'd truly choose Evil over Good; Death over Life; Greed over Altruism. The biggest ruse is that we believe we are innately bad people. So, who has planted this deep in our subconscious and why are we so set on believing it?

Why does fear always outrank belief?

We're more keen on holding ourselves back in fear, than risking faith. Because if Faith loses, where's the hope to continue on? We are looking for a guarantee that we are never going to get. It's going to take a little risk and a whole lot of faith!

Where are you living right now? In Fear or in Faith?

We Are The Restless Sheep

Unapproachable by natures call
This thrilling, unequivocated mind
Of a young, restless soul
Sits and waits upon
The ideas that strike
A Universe full of opportunity

Sitting with baited breath
Relaxed, yet not so subtle
Ready to break free
Of owns' self restraints
To be less than the most powerful force
That sleeps inside
Yet not so deeply masked
By thy own wish to be unseen
Until the time comes
To prove of her own greatness

Her calling, that of the obvious
Her fear, that of the misguided
Her ability, that of the unheard
No one stands in her way but that
Of her own misjudgements 

So, patiently wait
To see the truest beauty
From the one that only needs her own time to find
Power and strength cater to those that shred their doubt;
It is for all of us to find
And for all of us to fear

There is no more time for waiting
There is no more time for restless sleep
For we are the restless sheep
And we are ready to break free from our herd

One by one, we shall find our way

Engulfed

I feel helpless, hopeless
To this drag of mine
Sucking and slurring
The lines between desire and desolation

Wicked are your curves
The way your smoke coils around me
Suffocating  my desire for breath
And depriving me of my freedom

Yet I choose you time over again
To send me down this same rabbit hole
Down to the pit of nothingness

I am your slave
Yet I shackle myself
To your dirty grip
Like it's the oxygen that rules me

One day I won't choose you
Yet you'll find another unlikely soul
And just like me, they'll fall for your charm
And misdirection

One day I won't choose you,
Wicked and vicious I shall be

When I choose freedom, 
You won't stand a chance to win me back
When I choose freedom,
I will turn away from you with satisfaction
When I choose freedom,
Freedom I shall have

Captive

The pitter patter of time
Racing through my ears
Dancing on the notes of the living
And laughing past the souls of the dead

Alive, yet stalled in this place of empty
Sullen and bare to the desolation of stillness
I am your captive
Yet your eyes don't meet mine
I am captive
Yet no one stole my freedom

Forsaken, I slew through wells of doubt
My own misgivings
Upon memories that now only lead to lack

Where shall I find myself
If I let my freedom regain
Where shall I find myself
If I never felt helpless enough to give up

I am captive
Out of my own surrender

Fireme

I am but this gassy matter
That seems to float
Yet holds steady upon this blanket of darkness

Amidst all the black
I see nothing but light
For I burn brighter than day,
With fiery tails that whip out in every direction

I am not one of few,
I am one of many
However, we stoically sit eons from one another
Each holding our own space,
Each stitched purposefully into this tapestry of wonder

I burn bright,
And the days are long,
As my simple mind knows not more than which I see
And all I see is many more mes staring straight back upon me

 

Written For You

To my many jestering hands
Digging into the wells of my titled enteries
Yet under protective
And decisive guidance, I expand my kindness

Those sleepy, restless, terrified
Young birds of beautiful feathers
Dance in the amazement of my boredom

Your easy distraction satisfies my hunger
And when time stands still
I pretend not to notice
Deep in the disguise of my discomfort

So we play
We play love and adventure
And I believe I am having fun
Because fun means this isn't a waste

So why, in those quiet moments
When you are not near
Am I more terrified than in the settlement
Of our relationship

For in those moments
I am too tired to keep playing
I am too tired of my denials
I am too scared of the race I've run

Yet without, I see no exit
There's no hand to take me to the Sun
No love when I am sad
No care when I am hurt
No need when I am lone

I love you for your comfort
For the peace you bring me
For my need to not worry of loneliness
And yet I hate you for it all the same

Douglas Adams

"The history of every major galactic civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Enquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases."

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

 

The Moment

"I have experienced faith,

Yet I allow skepticism to distract me."

The moment I fell

I was not so aware to notice

The exact second

Lodged somewhere within my memory banks

All I know now

Is my heart occupies space

For those worthy to take place in it

For those whose love expands further than their original reach

Deep pockets of satisfaction

Still holds room for worry and doubt

As we are more afraid of acquiring

Based off the coupling fear of losing

Do not fear what may never be

For you might accidentally trample what was never able to actualize

  

Falling

My legs taken from beneath me
Falling before I've even had a chance to realize
No turning back
With no desire just the same

I'm falling for you
And I never wish to stop